I haven't been as honest as I wish to be with myself, that's been my greatest writer's block obstacle this year. I feared and didn't know how to heal. It's like the premonition of scratching off the scab too soon, before it was ready to heal; too early so it scabs once more until you realize that it sheds on its own, in due time.
I haven't been very honest you either, for fear you'll look at me differently. For fear you won't want to come back, after seeing me vulnerable and naked. Writing has helped me face unrelinquished and unacknowledged fears, time and time again.
I've adopted my smile to be a trademark of who I am but, yes, I've been hurt and visited the lowest of lows. I'm learning to release the grudges because with each minute I waste dwelling on them is one I can't gain back. Sometimes, that's OK. Just like moments when we desperately need a good laugh, a chocolate mousse cake, a good cry and venting session may be the best remedy. Therefore, cry if you must but exhibit your smile proudly, the trophy of your circumstances.
I don't have many people to go to, most of the time I find myself running to...me. It's been a while since I've found comfort in friends, not out of anyone's fault, but just an uneasiness that's lingered. I miss those moments, but I've found even greater strength in myself through God. Everyone is entitled to let you down, so maybe that's why I've distanced myself, for fear of one too many disappointments.