Answered Prayers

Hey loves! This post was something that I felt I owed to all my loyal readers who have been keeping up with me since day 1, when my blog was simply a diary. Ready? Here we go:

I have been going through a lot...more than I can share vocally when we meet for coffee, or during a lighthearted photoshoot, or between the pauses of my sentences when asked what it is that I do or want to do. I cherish happiness and joy to the fullest so I have to respect the pain and the struggle that I've unfortunately been facing, for about 3 years now. I love to meet, to share and to converse but I couldn't tell you exactly what it is that I've had to deal with. I've been afraid, embarrassed and I can't expect your reactions behind these black mirrors. Let's backtrack?

I know I was hurting during this lengthy period because I saw the flux in my emotional state, my personality, my mentality. I made myself believe that I could pass my pain to others as my newfound rotten energy leaked and sought hosts; I lost friends but I made new ones that helped me endure that phase. I reached a sadness that I've never known and I got comfortable. I had to get comfortable and ride with the waves of emotions that lived there. I wallowed and lingered while the rest of me that you saw over the screen portrayed an image that I was fine. I wasn't, but that's okay because I've gotten a lot better.

I didn't like who I've allowed myself to become and how selfish I acted because of my circumstance; I've succumbed to the pain I felt in my heart over the potential my head was presenting me with; how we process both good and bad experiences in our lives depend more so on our perspective and our reactions than the actual event. 

The (little) big news is that I will be saying BRB to New York City this Fall and saying hello to my new home, in Ontario, Canada for a 2 year grad program. I'm so grateful and relieved but of course, I feel a tinge of sadness. Perhaps it'll be for a little while, unless another city decides to steal my heart. If so, I welcome it, even though this magical City holds a very special place in my heart.

Free People NYC (@ltengy) 
Free People NYC (@ltengy) 

I've found greater value in what it means to truly preserve my energy, time, and love for the next phase of my life. I was so fortunate and blessed to have brought a vision to life this summer and that gave me the hope I needed to see in myself, to believe that I'm capable of what's to come from the unknown. I want to do bigger, better and more meaningful things for myself, and my loved ones. You have to choose and believe in the power that our journey can help in healing ourselves; you are important. Find yourself, learn yourself and nurture the bits and pieces of you that needs healing and loving.

Finally, I love you all for your continued prayers, support, shares, heartfelt emails and well-wishes since I began blogging when I completed my Bachelors in 2013. I have a YouTube Channel and would love if you could subscribe to keep up with my last weeks before this new and exciting chapter of my life. Blessings !

xxx